they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
