I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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