You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you still have your period?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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