Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
