i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
