i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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