well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
