Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
