i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I did not marry a roomba.
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