so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
