dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
