worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
