oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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