The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
