I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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