Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
