The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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