I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
