i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
