fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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