I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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