he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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