Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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