I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The adults are the big ones right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
