I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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