I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
