Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
