im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
