my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
