He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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