I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
