Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think my vagina is haunted
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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