All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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