If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
