she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i think i just lost a toe
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
