he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so let's talk penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
