They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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