this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
