There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
