Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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