i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
