how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
