I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
