i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
