remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
only you would photoshop your dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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