Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
