Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
