I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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