Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
