I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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