where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
