Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
