Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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