She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
