Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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