How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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