I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
